I'll just dive right in and say that the past week has not been an easy one for me. Just been a lot of questioning and doubting about what my purpose is here in Florida. Each day I've been trying to stay productive looking for jobs and emailing contacts about illustrating and publishing deals.
I got to meet a local illustrator who sat down with me over lunch and discussed the logistics of being a professional illustrator. It was all very informative and he gave me great constructive criticism, but in the end I felt very discouraged, because the main point I took from it all was that I can't move forward anymore with my illustrations unless I have money. Money to make prints which can go on display in galleries, money to join guilds and memberships that would get my name out to authors and publishers, basically money to do anything.
I was pretty much depressed for the rest of the day and hated that I was depressed, which made me feel even more depressed! (vicious cycle) However, after a good cry to my supportive boyfriend, an unexpected call from a best friend that knows what it is like to be in my exact same position, and numerous emails from friends back home have given me encouragement and a bit of a reality check. Most importantly, it is amazing what the wonders of solid time with God can do. Reading Hebrews and James the past couple days has been the perfect blend of conviction and encouragement. Thank you Lord for your truth and kingdom that cannot be shaken.
During this quiet time, I was replaying my original motives for coming out to Florida: Help Jeremy and Kelsey with their production company, yes, finally live in a bedroom again, yes, become a Disney Princess, yes but that was just a silly dream.... right?
Well guess what I'm doing today? Auditioning to be Disney Princess.... haha! I know I just put a lot of build up and pressure on this "dream" and that most of you reading this are probably concerned that if I don't get it my little dreaming heart will be crushed once again. But I really don't think that's going to be the case. More than anything I'm already super proud that I'm actually going! I will be able to answer people when I come home, "Yes, I did try the Disney route but it just wasn't meant to be! But at least I tried!" This way there will be no questions or What Ifs. I'm feeling good about the whole thing! :) Win OR Lose.
Now! With all that said, I am going to look up some videos on how to dance like a Disney Princess, if you'll excuse me! :)