Entry # 10

March 6, 2001

Sorry I haven't talked to you not really sure who I'm directing this "you" to... in such a long time, well wait a second it's not my fault it's Bryan's because he's the one who isn't talking to me. Anyway, today I just so happen got a chance to look into Coach Fair's room and see him right, Ellen, right...just so happen to stalker-ishly stick my head in a full classroom and stare at the guy and to my surprise (actually not) Anonymous Girl was sitting by him talking to him. She may go to my church and act all sweet but at school I think she's a little bit too sweet with the boys, cause she's always's jumping from one boy to another. Well I better go. Woah Ellen...woah...I just bashed a girl from my own church because she was just talking to the boy. It's probably a good thing then that this is my last post about Bryan Simmons cause things sounded like they could've gotten ugly!

Yes, this is the last post. Strangely enough.... Bryan never asked me out. I can't really imagine why.... (sarcasm...just to clarify) We went to high school, he went the cool football route and I joined Band. LOL I honestly can't imagine a bigger dork than I was (am). But I am actually so happy that's the way everything happened. I love looking back now at my unfortunately awkward adolescence. That is what has made me into the person I am now. And even though I may think I'm above these quirky/embarrassing incidents now....I'm not....I'm not. My life if plagued with them, but I guess that keeps things interesting. Maybe I'll write another blog in 10 years about all the things that are happening to me now and have a good laugh again... Maybe.

Entry # 9

Jan. 31, 2001

I am sorry I haven't written in a while but nothing big has been happening, until today. Aiko and I were walking back from calligraphy class (there is somthing about me, that class, and Bryan) must've been where the gum wrapper incident happened and just right before I'm fixing to fixing to turn the corner he walks by in front of me a looks at me up and down, oh it was sooo exciting hahaha he was probably just waiting for me to get out of his way. also remember that I referred to this earlier as "something big" that happened... you're right, Ellen, I think our relationship really took off at this point. Then Aiko nuges nudges me and starts giggleing and I'm trying to play it cool cause I didn't want his friends to know that I like him. Gotta Go! I'm dying to know what my definition of "playing it cool" was... I don't see how that could've been possible for me...

Entry # 8

Jan. 18, 2001

Ok this is the CLOSEST I guess you could say I have ever gotten to him. Listen. Ok, I told Amelia & Aiko to save me a seat at the pep rally so they did in the sort of "popular section" "mod" so I was sitting there staring at Bryan a couple rows behind me a couple rows BEHIND ME!!! what the heck, Ellen!!! and then all of a sudden he got up, walked down the stairs, came over and sat down right next to me. Then some of his friends came up and tell him to scoot over (away from me) but he just scoots closer to me like butt to butt and let his friends pass by for a girl that rejoiced over getting hit with a gum wrapper and being called a loser, I would pay money to see my face at this point. And during the pep rally we talked a little and he asked me, if I liked his socks and I said, "oh yeah"stimulating conversation. And so that was sooo totally awesome said like a true middle schooler. Tonight was the dance which was a flop as usual this "as usual" implies past dance tragedies....*please reference below... I went a bit early to the game and I had more fun there then at the dance. I'm not going to anymore dances unless I have a date.

*In the spirit of revisiting Homecoming Dances.... here's a recap of my 6th grade Homecoming Dance. My very first Middle School "big kid" dance. I had been sitting in the bleachers most of the night in my denim/floral dress, dreaming of how great it would be if someone would come ask me to dance and staring a the cluster of "cool" kids dominating the middle of the gym floor. After a couple hours, I was saying goodbye to a group of my friends about to go wait outside for my dad to pick me up, when a girl runs up and says that this boy, Dallas, was wanting to ask me to dance but was too shy. I look at the clock on the wall knowing dad would be waiting, a new song suddenly starts playing, and I decide to take off running through the crowd to find Dallas and get my dance. Dallas had been an old crush from elementary school, so my time had finally come! My messenger friend, ran up with a new message that my dad was waiting for me. I was weighing the options... risk dad's anger? or get my first dance? Suddenly a crowd parts and I see Dallas across the gym. He smiles at me... I smile back. Mid-step towards his direction, my wrist is grabbed and I'm whipped around to see my father's angry face and a lecture in the middle of the dance about how long he had been waiting, my irresponsibility, and how I'm never supposed to go anywhere without a wrist watch anymore.... people were starring and I was mortified....and nope... I never got that dance.

Next time I see a middle school kid...I'm just going to give them a hug... Middle School is tough! Poor dad just forgot that night.

Entry # 7

Jan. 17, 2001

Today was the day we performed the Christmas Play for the 8th grade first off, why were we performing the Christmas play in January???. So, before we performed me and my friend I believe this might be my first reference to, my now best friend, Amelia! But more on that later... were roaming the halls and we walked past the computer room and I looked in there and saw him HIM.. read it with the most whimsical and romantic air possible cause that's probably how I wrote it and he was looking at me. Then when we walked by again and again and again, again, again... I looked at him and him and Matt C. were smiling and looking at me i'll give myself credit for always thinking positively, however I can probably guarantee they weren't commenting on how cute me and my stalker ways were. Next when we were fixing to haha "fixing to" start the play I was looking for him and I saw him sitting alone being absolutly adorable, but then he moves and was practicly sitting on Hannah H.'s lap! So that kind of deflated my balloon, and I forgot to tell you that last night he was sitting beside her at the ballgame which i of course noticed since I "couldn't take my eyes off him"! So I am beginning to wonder. Anyway tomorrow night is the homecoming dance and I bought a ticket so now what I need to know is if Bryan is going if he isn't then I will be so totally disapointed. I'm thinking about telling him I like him or telling Kyle P. I like Bryan and maybe he could help me. I don't Know!!! telling the most popular loud-mouth in the whole school your secret is never a good idea... almost as bad as Ariel going to Ursula for a pair of legs.

Oh dear.... if this were a movie, this would be the part where everything is going wrong, OH! Like "Pretty in Pink"!!! Except instead of the rich-ies and the poor kids, it's the normal-ies and the weird/obsessive-ies. I can see it now though.... there's some great 80's rock music playing, I'm sitting in my pink bedroom sketching out dress ideas for the Homecoming dance, a shot of my sketch shows a tear drop fall on the page, Duckie (played by Amelia) calls to cheer me up, but I don't answer.... SO epic...

Entry # 6

Jan. 16, 2001

My 3rd encounter with Bryan. Hannah B. and I were sitting at the top bleachers at the High when I said wouldn't that be neat if Bryan came and sat here on the top row. And then a couple minutes later him and his dad walked in and sat on the top row! On my knees thanking the Lord, I never took my eyes off him. Why am I always at the high school? And why is Hannah still my friend if i say things like "wouldn't it be neat if Bryan came and sat here on the top row"? So to get the visual here, I'm sitting in the bleachers, now "on my knees thanking the Lord", and simultaneously starring at the guy. I guess I'll never know who won the basketball game...

Also, it has been brought to my attention that there is some confusion with the dates. You see, I started writing all these "encounters" down after a couple of them had already happened. So actually, January 16 was when I wrote down the beginnings of "Operation Bryan Simmons" They were already engraved in my memory and therefore easy to scribe...

Entry # 5

Jan. 15, 2001

My 2nd encounter with Bryan. If Bryan were some sort of never-before studied, rare bird, I would probably be famous for my meticulous log detailing each encounter...alas...Bryan is not a bird. Poor boy. I was on my way to class walking behind him bad stalker habit then I got in front of him and I saw this little wodded up gum wrapper fly past me, so I turn around and he smiled and waved at me. ...You know, I will say... to any other girl this could've been taken as encouragement that he is....well.... interested as well and perhaps casual conversation could take place next time I saw him. But no no no, I had to continue my distanced/weirdo romance instead having any sort of attempt at normalcy. Stomache doing summer saults, couldn't hold still during class. I'm trying to remember what exactly this was like... was I just fidgeting? was I shaking convulsively? Or maybe I didn't "hold still" in class because I was too busy looking for that blessed gum wrapper in the hallway.... wouldn't doubt it.

Entry # 4

Good Morning! I'm glad to hear a couple of you are enjoying these posts! They are fun to write!

So as I said, the Ray Stewart chapter has closed. After the "wallet" incident, my journal took a monotonous turn covering most of my daily routine and lots of church youth group camps and festivals. 2000 was a great year for me. I made a close group of friends including my best friend, Aiko. 7th grade was rough because of my obvious (reference year book) lack of style, but at the same time it was great because I didn't care about how people saw me. However, as I sat in front of a young red-headed boy in Mrs. Anderson's English class, this view gradually started to change... Welcome to....EIGHTH GRADE....dun dun dunnnn

We pick up in my journals in 2001.

January 16, 2001
Dear Journal,

Soo, long time no see huh? Well I'm in 8th grade now and I'm 13. Well anyway, so now I like have this major crush on Bryan Simmons and only my best friends know. So now I'm keeping a log on whenever I have special little encounters with him just the fact that I said "special little encounters" creeps me out. So, here it goes.

Operation: Bryan Simmons
How long liked: about 2 years
Things seperateing: different mods & popularity

I literally wrote out a little header like this in my journal. Also, I'm not really sure what a "mod" is... I'm guessing I meant different social circles, which in my case, would also fall under "popularity"

(date unknown)

My first *big* encounter with Bryan was at the 2nd to last high school football game and me and my friend, Hannah B., went to talk with his group "mod" then he said, "Ellen Kay's a loser" then he said, "No, I'm just joking". On cloud 9! Moral of the story is....you just have to call me a loser and my heart is yours.... ALSO... on cloud 9?!?!

Again, I would like to post a formal apology to my crushee at this point, Bryan Simmons. He will most likely NEVER read this blog, which is probably for the best, because there is so much more to come....

Entry # 3

Romans 12:1

Sun. Aug. 22, 99
Dear Journal,

Today after church there was a picnic at the fire hall and John, Ray, and I were playing pool upstairs. Then this kid came up to Ray and said (is she your girlfriend?) and he was talking about me but Ray said (no) I have no actual memory of this. I was wanting to say of course he is but that wouldn't of been apropriate so I'm glad I didn't yeah good call of judgement there, Ellen. Tomorrow is the firt whole day of school and I'm glad. I'm ready for school to start up again it's amazing how differently I feel about school now. Well I better be gettin to bed because it's already 10:30 so goodnight at some point I wonder if I will ever add that elusive G to "gettin".

Alright, so this is about the extent of my deeply romantic relationship with Ray Stewart. The entries about Ray mysteriously end in the journal. Even though it wasn't written down, I do actually remember how this crush came to a halt. It was at a high school basketball game, John and Ray were in the pit band section. I came up to the stands (most likely from John's point of view) to interfere as much as I can in his teen life. I of course sneak over to pay a visit to Ray. Earlier that evening I had just found a little purse that I hadn't used in a long time, I brought it to the game with me probably as an attempt to look more mature. So back to the game, Ray sees my purse/wallet thing and says "Cool can I see it?" OF course I agree and as he flips through my pictures inside....he sees in plain view.....a pink heart covered note with his name scribbled all over it!!!!!!! He just looked up at me with a confused face, at least I think it was because the next few moments were a blur of me snatching the wallet, sprinting past the bleachers, and staying in the girls bathroom until the end of the game. Alas...my fondness for Ray could not withstand my mortification. As I shredded up that little note my crush was flushed down the toilet that night.....so dramatic. Happily now, after a few years, we are still good friends! Sorry again, Ray, you unfortunately were the first chapter. With the beginning of the new school year however....my heart took a new direction.... stay tuned.

Entry # 1 and # 2

Here is my first entry I once wrote into my little Winnie the Pooh journal. I think it should be noted right off that each post begins with "Dear Journal", a Bible verse, and of course the date. Very important.

Romans 5:8-9
Sat. may 29, 99
Dear Journal,

It's so much fun having a Journal because you can tell al of you're thoughts and what happened that day. Well today it start off pretty normal, I was laying down in my bed and I looked at my clock it was 9:25 usually I wake up at like 10:00 or so but right then I decided to go on a health and exercise diet. For breakfast I had a yogurt and some juice then a couple hourse later I got in the pool and layed on a mat for about 30 min. and got a tan. Next I got up and made a current and got some exersize. Then I had a P&J sandwhich for lunch. Next I went to Aunt Carol's house and played on a huge pile of sand then came home took a shower and here I am now. Yes, it was fun keeping a journal that I could divulge all my deepest secrets to...OR just write down a play by play of my day (very exciting). So obviously it is the beginning of Summer, and I am apparently pretty bored which is why I probably decided to start the journal. I WILL say, things do begin to pick up, which is why I am going to include a bonus ENTRY # 2 today!

1 John 1:8-9
Sun, May 30, 99
Dear Journal,

Last Monday I got a new Sunday outfit with hat and shoes, I got it because I'm growing out of all my other dresses. I always want to look my best on Sundays because that is the day I see my beloved one.WHAT THE!?!?! The guy I like is extreamly handsom and very nice but that's not the only reason I like him. I like him because he goes to church and is a christian. A beautiful and inspiring detailed description there of my apparent beloved one. You guessed it (!?!) the one and only Ray Stewart. Not to be confused with Hannah Montana's dad The only problem is that he's in the 10th grade and I'm in the 6th that's a four year age differance. But Momma said that it sounds like a big age differance now but when we get older it doesn't really matter. I wish I had written down more "Momma said"-isms. I just pray that if nothing is going to happen between us that he'll think of me as a really good friend and not some crazy litle girl who has a crush on him. This Saturday John brother, Erin sister, and I are leaving to go to Centurfuge, it's a youth camp. so I pray that we'll have a safe trip up there and that I won't get homesick. I also want to pray for Erin cause she's at girl state and the night she got there she called and told us that she was already homesick so I just lift her to you. Pretty sure I meant that part to God. Well I'm kinda getten sleepy so I better go. See-ya!

Dear Brett (Ray) Stewart...haha I am so sorry you were apparently "my beloved one" as a child. Please continue to be friends with John and don't shun the rest of us Kay's after this :) Tell your family I said hi!

Middle School Revisited

Alright...so here's the deal. As you may have already surmised from my previous blogs, I am in a transitional part of my life right now.

I have just finished my college career, I am packing up to move to Nashville, and once there will begin the wonderful task of job hunting.

However, I am still on the "packing for Nashville" part down here in Sparta, TN. It has been a bitter/sweet past few days as I've been digging through my childhood room looking for things to keep or throw away. In the midst of my archeological dig through sentimental memorabilia, I have come across a gold mine... my middle school journals.

I sat down with my cup of coffee in hand to casually flip through the pages and instantly got sucked in to the "epic" drama of my adolescent journey. With each entry I found humor with my young absurdity and a glimmer of clarity to how I have grown into the person I am today.

My journals are riddled with humor, self-doubt, hopeful romance, friendships, and as always my award-winning awkward moments where I still to this day cringe for my young self.

Basically, middle school me was a hopeless romantic and unfortunately hopelessly weird. I like to think I have changed quite a bit since those days which is why I can confidently share these private memoirs with the public. Hopefully you'll find the same humor as I do!

So, here are the rules.
1. I will transfer each entry to the blog identical to the original journal (spelling mistakes and all)
2. Because of rule #1 all names shall therefore remain unaltered (which could get interesting)
3. As writer, I do reserve the right to EDIT. Stories won't be changed but some info may be left out.
4. Many times there may be a need for clarification or commentary. In which case my comments and notes will appear like this! (Special guests may be invited in the future to comment as well)
5. Furthermore, I ALSO reserve the right to end this endeavor at any given point!

I believe that just about does it!

Welcome then, to my Middle School Journals. Believe me. I understand how awkward, weird, and ridiculous my young self will sound...but hey...let's be honest...what Middle Schooler wasn't!? .....don't answer that.

Senior Show, No School, Nashville

I love writing on this blog! Simply because I have no idea if anyone is reading it! Oh well! I shall continue to periodically update anyway!

So...these past couple weeks have been HUGE for me. The weekend before last I was frantically running around trying to get my senior show at Union completely set up before the gallery opened on Monday...well I set it up with the help of my wonderful sister and brother in law! After that I had to pump up my portfolio for my big oral critique with the professors. I was terribly nervous since I just don't really do well in front of a crowd especially talking about myself. WELL....it went GREAT! They loved my show and had nothing but great things to say about it and my portfolio! I was really really proud and happy!

My show stayed up all week and in the mean time I found out I got an A in my French II class that I was also taking over j-term. All this basically meant....I AM DONE with school forever...
I can't believe it. I'm finally done!! No homework!!! ah...such a good feeling :)

I just drove back to Sparta this afternoon, where I am going to re-pack and then head off to Nashville to live with my besties Ashley and Emily!!! The plan is to just get a job that I can save money with because I would love to eventually go back to L.A. MAYBE even by this summer!!

There are a lot of possibilities floating around right now but I like it like that! I am excited!